QUOTIDIANOMIME

 There are those who Tinder, the dating app that has made many sigh, laugh or cry. The difference lies in the speed of Love 2.0: in no time you will get answers, you can begin to engage in serious conversations, and as expectations rise, they are likely to deflate like souffle in even less time. Where once certain assumptions, certain events and certain emotions were jealously guarded in a journal or in a box of memories, they are now blurted and shared to everyone.

And the new “Amore 2.0 Effect”: when someone in Brazil decides to share something, it’s just a video with a butterfly flapping its wings on the other side of the screen, but there is at least one person who questions the meaning and begins to make “mental blowjobs” about it, sparking a real emotional storm.

How did we get to this? And, if possible, how do we survive the Age of the Dating App, where a like is worth a thousand words? Starting right from Tinder, smash last December, I have compiled eight rules to take with a grain of salt and avoid being scammed.

Given that both you and a potential date have dragged the profile of each other to the right, you now have the chance to chat. Therefore you start to talk, to share opinions, experiences and interests. The whole is maintained at a level more and more elusive, almost deprived of importance. Because at this early stage we can not expose too much.

Rule number 2: No confessional, please!

Confessions or topics which are too complex are prohibited. Welcome instead musical genres, lists of books you like, or travel abroad facts. Mystery beats too much information, always.

This second part adds a progressive desire to hear his/her voice, but above all the desire to see him/her in person. For those lucky enough to have the “object” of the your interest a few kilometers away, it will be a matter of time; if the object of your desire should be in another city or another continent, forget it. The letters and greetings with tears at the station belong to the generation of your grandparents, not now.

On Tinder, one can find three different types of people: there are the serial “researchers”, or those who pursue (or hope to) one or more people at the same time. Unfortunately they are not easy to recognize, because many of these are already happily in pairs and looking for a fun fling. Next we have those who are “stuck in the past”, i.e. heartbroken users who downloaded the app to try and forget the past. Finally there are the “most free”, both they make up a small group and are more rare to find like a Dodo still breathing.

As for the ” serial researchers” there is little to say, 80% of subscribers of the app are looking for one thing, the extremely fun meeting with multiple people and which seldom becomes material for a serious and lasting relationship. It may be good for an afternoon, or at most a couple of evenings.

But the worst among users are those in the second category: these subjects are still at the mercy of events of a past more or less recent and who insist to involve third parties in a mental game that doesn’t end well for anyone. We often see or hear episodes of friends/girlfriends who, rather than step aside, would be willing to pick up the shattered pieces of the other, wrong, doing the right thing … unfortunately love is not a science and not based on statistics or probability calculation: what may work for one, becomes the defeat of the other emotionally. There are no certainties in this area, except one: two similar reports never exist. Therefore you should take the plunge and see how it goes. Maybe carrying a metaphorical parachute, something in short that limits damage and avoids you from crashing to the ground completely.

Oddly enough, users hardly seem to be exactly that hypothetical person posing on Tinder. So remember to be aware of imitations and stereotypes. Mr. Gym-quoting Oscar Wilde? Try to ask him from which novel that quote came from. The Bellone offering to take you to eat oysters and caviar to the sea? Very well, has he already booked the restaurant? There are of course exceptions; expect to define your situation as one of these.

With the scenarios presented above, I did not want to scare anyone or limit that kind of situation in every possible approach with someone on Tinder. I simply believe that the experience in some cases serve more of the assumptions and conjectures. Except in some cases, of course, but these are almost impossible to find, only if you are lucky.